From: dianora2@aol.com (Dianora2) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: "You Can't Go Home Again" 1/3 Date: 31 May 1996 20:48:34 -0400 "You Can't Go Home Again" 1/3 by Dianora This story is not an X-File, it's about relationships, my take on a small part of Mulder's past. This is more or less a Mulder/Scully romance, so be warned. I've given it an R/ strong PG-13 rating for language and adult situations, but there's really nothing graphic. E-Mail me at Dianora2@aol.com Please? I wrote this months ago; my writing is better now. ;) By the way, if you are against romance between Our Heroes, this story should really be taking place sometime in 1998, so you can just pretend the series is overwith (although it hopefully won't be!). Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and the mentioned but not seen Margaret Scully, Samantha Mulder, and Phoebe Green are properties of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, FOX, and whoever else owns a piece of them. I am borrowing them with no permission whatsoever, that's just the type of gal I am. Richard, Linda, Sabrina, and Anise are mine. "You Can't Go Home Again" Part 1 of 3 "Mulder, what's this?" Fox Mulder knew what Dana Scully was referring to even before he looked up to see her waving the gilded invitation, ineffectively ated at the lilt of amusement in her voice. "Well, since you've obviously already read it, Scully, why are you asking me?" She folded her arms and raised an eyebrow, waiting. She wanted him to say it. And he knew she'd just stand there, waiting, until he did. He sighed wearily and gave in, like she knew he would. "It's an invitation to my high school reunion." "And are you going?" "What do you think?" "I think that you're not planning on going. But I think you should." She walked across the basement office to his desk, waving the invitation in the air like a groupie brandishing a cigarette lighter at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert during the big *Freebird* encore. He had actually been debating it for days now, but didn't want her to know that. "Scully, the last thing I want to do is spend time pretending to have fun with a bunch of people I didn't have fun with in high school." "Mulder, you *have* to go to your high school reunion. Aren't you curious as to what everyone's doing now, who's married, who has kids, who did nothing with their lives... it'll be fun." She was practically jumping up and down at this point. "Somehow I doubt that. And why are you so interested, anyway?" "Who said I was interested?" she asked, mock-innocent. Then she sighed ruefully. "It's just...well, growing up a navy brat, moving around all the time, I didn't spend enough time at any one high school to have the real high school experience. I used to watch all those awful high school movies and feel so empty inside." She looked wistful, almost sad, and it bothered him. "So what you're saying is you're jealous and want me to go to this thing so you can live vicariously through me." It worked. She swatted at him with the invitation, then cracked a grin. "Well, yeah, I guess I am." "I don't know. I really didn't like most of those people. Although..." he scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I wouldn't mind seeing good old Dickie Hines. Now there's someone I haven't thought about in ages." "Friend of yours?" He laughed shortly. "My only friend, really. Probably the closest friend I've ever had, except for..." he looked up at her, smiled, "well, anyway, he was a good friend." "Then why don't you go see him?" she asked softly. God, she made his heart stop sometimes, when her voice got intimate like that. If she went with him, it would make the whole thing so much more tolerable... "Maybe...maybe I will. Okay," he said, the decision he had been leaning toward all week suddenly made, "Fine. You've convinced me. But somehow I know I'm going to regret it. So..." "So?" She perched on the edge of his desk, blue eyes sparkling. "So...would you want to go with me? Maybe make a weekend of it?" "You really want me to go with you? You don't want to bring a...date, or someone?" Her mouth felt dry, suddenly. "Well, you *are* the one who talked me into it. I shouldn't be the only one to suffer." They shared a smile, then he grew serious. "And you know there's no one I'd rather have with me." "Mulder..." She hesitated, tempted to make a joke of it, but gave in to the truth. "I know. Look, I have to run up to forensics and get that report. I'll see you later." She got up and headed for the door. **** Dana stood in front of her closet, chewing her lower lip thoughtfully. Normally she had no problem pulling together an outfit; she had so many dress suits and had been on so many trips that this sort of thing had practically become second nature. She could assemble a week's wardrobe without even thinking about it. This, however, was different. She was trying to der's high school reunion, and it was quickly becoming clear she had absolutely nothing that would do. Her closet was filled with nothing but professional, no-nonsense suits and slacks, and at the moment it was bugging the hell out of her. She wanted to have fun at this reunion, wanted to make it fun for Mulder, to try in some way to make up for what she knew was probably not the greatest adolescence. More importantly, she wanted them to have fun *together*, although, as usual, she did not too closely examine the reasons why. Nothing she was currently looking at in her closet said "fun." There was, therefore, only one thing to do. She crossed the bedroom to pick up the phone on the nightstand, dialed a number she knew by heart. "Mom? You want to do some shopping?" **** The drive up to Martha's Vineyard was uneventful, marred by just one argument, regarding whether or not Mulder planned on visiting his mother while he was up there. He had not even told her he would be in the area, and it bothered Scully that he was trying to be so cavalier about the whole thing, pretending it didn't matter to him if he saw her at all. In usual Mulder fashion, he clammed up about it when he decided he was sick of discussing the subject. Scully knew enough to drop it. She spent the rest of the drive picturing herself in the fabulous outfit she had bought for herself in Georgetown the day before, the outfit her mother had practically had to bully her into purchasing. She suspected matchmaking had been Margaret's main motivation, but Dana had bought the ensemble anyway. I'm allowed to look good once in a while, aren't I? she had asked her mom indignantly. Her mother had merely responded with one of those trademark knowing smiles that drove Dana nuts. Early that evening, they arrived at the picturesque inn which Mulder had not only picked out, but for which he was also footing the bill, much to Dana's delight. Well, I am doing him a favor, she thought, conveniently ignoring the slight technicality that she had more or less invited herself. "I got us adjoining rooms, okay?" he asked as they approached the check-in desk. She nodded. They usually got adjoining rooms when they were on a case, because they liked to wander in and out of each other's rooms as they bounced around theories. But she knew there were other reasons as well, reasons they never ever discussed during the light of day. **** As she had been hoping she wouldn't, Dana awoke that night to hear muffled cries coming from the room next door. She waited a few minutes, hoping they would fade, but no such luck. A cold lump formed in the pit of her stomach. Oh God, Mulder, she thought wearily. Occasionally on the road, when it wasn't too bad, if the cries passed quickly, she let him be, not wanting to intrude. But then there were nights like tonight, when his screams tore at her soul, and they showed no signs of abating. She opened the door connecting their two rooms and cautiously approached Mulder's bed, where he was thrashing about, groaning loudly, a look of pure anguish on his tear-streaked face. Every time she did this she did it a little bit differently, not yet having found the right way to awaken him. She suspected there was no right way. "Mulder," she said experimentally. No change. "Mulder," she repeated, a little louder this time. Nothing. She sat down on the edge of the bed, reached out to smooth his sweaty dark hair. "Mulder, wake up. You're dreaming again. Come on, wake up. Please." His eyes snapped open and he sat up, breathing hard, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Sam? Sam, don't go, Sam." Dana blinked back tears. "Mulder, it's me. It's Scully. You were having one of your nightmares. Come on, Mulder, snap out of it," she said gently. He came back to himself abruptly, saw her sitting there. "Dana? Oh, God," he choked, closing his eyes. He reached out for her blindly, and she took him into her arms and held him while he sobbed, heaving sobs that racked his body. She murmured meaningless soothing phrases, rocked him like a child, as he clung to her, wetting the front of her pajamas with his tears. "It's all right, Mulder. It's all right. Let it out." They stayed that way for a long time. Eventually, the sobs subsided, and he pulled away from her, wiping at his eyes impatiently. "Jesus, Scully, I'm sorry about that," he whispered. "It's always worse when I'm here...at home." "Don't you ever apologize to me for your nightmares," she told him. "I...I have some sleeping pills, in my bag, if you want some. It might be a good idea if you--" "No," he said quickly. "No thanks. I'll be okay, really. You go back to sleep. And thank you, Scully. Thanks a lot." She touched his arm. "No thanks necessary. You should know that by now." He nodded sheepishly. "If you change your mind about the pills, just come into my room and take two. They're in the black bag on the counter in the bathroom." "Okay. Thanks." She went back to her room, yawning, and climbed back into bed, snuggled under the covers. A few minutes later, before she drifted off into sleep, she heard the TV click on next door. **** Mulder gave his tie a final adjustment as he checked himself out in the mirror one last time. God, he was hungry. The two of them had spent the day just walking and shopping, enjoying the scenery. They had eaten lunch at a nice restaurant, but that was hours ago. Overall, it had been a very pleasant, relaxing day, he reflected, and he was grateful Scully had not seen fit to mention the previous night. She never did. What was the point, anyway? Talking about it wouldn't make the nightmares stop. Last night had, however, strengthened his resolve to put off seeing his mother until right before he left. He was under enough stress right now thinking about the reunion. One ordeal at a time, he decided. Get through the reunion, then deal with Mom. "Scully!" He pounded on the door separating their rooms. "Come on, we're already late. I don't want to miss the free food. That's the only reason to go to this thing, anyway," he added in a grumble. No response from the other side of the thick wooden door. "Scull-" The door swung open and his jaw dropped. Scully looked incredible. He had seen her dressed up before, but this...this was *not* the same thing. She was wearing a long-sleeved emerald green satin shirt that buttoned in front, and was just tight enough to pull across her breasts. He knew that from just the right angle he would be able to tell what color bra she was wearing. Better not to dwell on that, he thought hastily. She had left the top two buttons open, revealing a hint of cleavage. On bottom she was wearing a slinky ankle-length black satin skirt with a slit up the side, providing a tantalizing glimpse of one black-stockinged leg. His eyes followed the trail of her body down to a pair of high-heeled black patent leather T-straps, then traveled back up again, and he noticed her hair was curled, with a volume to it he had never seen before, a red halo, glinting in the light. He wondered vaguely how she did it; such matters were always a mystery to him. Even her lipstick was just a shade darker than usual. Just enough to add an extra intensity that made his head swim, looking at her. She was utterly sophisticated, alluring, and sensual, and he was wondering how he could have dreamed of inviting her to this reunion, setting himself up for her discovering just how big of a geek he was in high school. He swallowed hard. "Wow. Scully, you...ahh...clean up real nice," he said nonchalantly. Smooth, Mulder. Real smooth. "Thanks," she smiled, her hand fluttering self-consciously to her neckline. She had wondered a million times before he knocked on the door whether or not this outfit had been a mistake, if it was too much. But dammit, she knew she looked great, and she was dressing for herself, not for him, wasn't she? She had obviously exceeded any expectations he may have had. The gleam in his eyes was a little disconcerting. They stood there grinning at each other for endless moments, until Scully forced herself to break the tension. "Ugh! *What* did I tell you about that tie?" He pulled on it teasingly, glad to be back on familiar ground. "You said I shouldn't be caught dead in it. And since I am obviously very much alive..." She rolled her eyes at him, but his smile was infectious. "Fine, Mulder. After all, I'm paid to be your partner, not your fashion consultant. just go before you're forced to scavenge for the last chicken wing." His eyes lit up. "Do you think they'll have chicken wings? Really?" **** The synthesized melody of "Saturday Night Fever" wafted out to them in the parking lot as they approached the stately, red-bricked high school, and Mulder groaned at the familiar tune. "God, what an awful decade for music the seventies was." "I wouldn't know," Dana replied, tongue planted firmly in cheek. "I was way too young during the seventies to remember any of the music." He laughed, a deep, real laugh, that she got to hear all too rarely. "Right, Scully. I forgot what a babe in the woods you are. Well, babe, anyway." He got an elbow in the ribs for that one. The closer they came to the imposing front door of the school, the more Mulder dragged his feet, until for once she had to slow her steps to match his. She tugged at his sleeve. "Mulder, come on. Free food, remember?" "Yeah, well." He stopped, dug his hands into his pockets, and squinted at the building looming before him. "I'm not so sure I want to do this, after all." She didn't say anything, just waited for him to work it out in his head. She knew the decision was not hers to make. Although she'd kill him if they had traipsed all the way up here, if she'd spent money on this fabulous outfit, for nothing. "I...don't judge me too harshly by anything you hear tonight, okay?" he managed finally. He looked down at her, embarrassed, but for what she did not know. Not yet. But she didn't like him thinking such things. "You know I wouldn't," she said softly. He exhaled, ran one hand nervously through his hair, tried to grin. "I know." He glanced at the school again, then back at her. "Let's do it." To be continued. =========================================================================== From: dianora2@aol.com (Dianora2) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: "You Can't Go Home Again" 2/3 Date: 1 Jun 1996 21:59:04 -0400 "You Can't Go Home Again" 2/3 by Dianora Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and the mentioned but not seen Margaret Scully, Samantha Mulder, and Phoebe Green are properties of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, FOX, and whoever else owns a piece of them. I am borrowing them with no permission whatsoever, that's just the type of gal I am. Richard, Linda, Sabrina, and Anise are mine. Comments to Dianora2@aol.com. The auditorium was elegantly decorated, with a sumptuous buffet set up along one side of the room, and oval tables scattered throughout, covered with ivory tablecloths and boasting expensive flower arrangements. A band was performing on the stage, underneath a banner that proclaimed, "Benjamin Franklin High School, Class of 1978." A few couples were strutting their stuff on the dance floor, accompanied by a lukewarm rendition of "We Are Family." Scully looked around with interest, assessing the room. Almost everyone looked very old money, which did not surprise her in the least, considering their location. Designer suits and expensive linen dresses abounded. Why do I suddenly feel like shanty Irish, she groaned inwardly. Then she chastised herself for thinking that way. Her father would definitely not have approved. "Here we are Scully. Welcome to my life," Mulder said sardonically, encompassing the room with a sweeping gesture. "Oh, and what a life it is, Mulder. Look, there's the food." "Great. I'm starving." They loaded up their plates and helped themselves to some fruit punch, which they discovered had been heavily spiked. "I guess someone's reprising their old tricks," Scully surmised. Mulder just grunted, too intent on consuming the food on his plate. He had been delighted to discover that chicken wings were in fact on the menu. As Scully continued to look around, determined to enjoy the only high school reunion she would ever attend, it dawned on her that something was amiss. No one was coming up to Mulder, saying hello. Plenty of people noticed him, but invariably they would whisper to their companions, and then turn away. She felt a wave of sympathy for her partner, imagining what he must have endured in high school. Adolescence was painful enough, but to add all the emotional baggage a young Fox Mulder had been forced to carry...on impulse, she reached over and squeezed his hand, the one that wasn't shoveling food into his mouth. He looked at her questioningly. She just smiled and let go. "Fox? Is that you?" They both looked up to see an attractive woman with short brown hair, hazel eyes, and an engaging smile, dressed in a simple black strapless cocktail dress. She teetered atop a pair of impossibly high black pumps. "It is you! It's me, Sabrina Haskell. Well, Sabrina Weatherly, now." Mulder got up and took the woman into a cursory embrace. "Hi, Sabrina. It's been a while. This is Dana Scully." Scully stood and took the woman's hand in greeting. "Nice to meet you." "A pleasure. Wow, Fox, you are even more gorgeous now than you were in high school," Sabrina said effusively, stroking his arm. Mulder looked miserable. "Uh, sure. You look good, too." "It is just...wow. It's so great to see you. You know, that night we spent under the bleachers is one of my fondest high school memories," she teased. Now Mulder actually blushed as Dana regarded him with undisguised amusement. "Mulder, I had no idea..." He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. "Sabrina, would you please excuse us? I see someone over there I'd like to say hello to." "Of course! I have to go find my husband anyway. But I want to talk to you again before you leave, do you hear me?" She hugged him again and wobbled off. Mulder took Scully's arm and steered her in the direction of the stage. "Come on, let's walk over here so she doesn't know I was lying. Thank God I was almost done eating, at least." "You lied to her? What's the matter?" "I just wasn't comfortable talking to her, all right?" "Well, I hope it's not for my sake, Mulder. *I* am not at all surprised to discover you have a sexually scandalous past. I met Phoebe, remember?" His face darkened, and she was instantly sorry she had mentioned the bitch. "That was different." "I know," she said, chagrined. "Sorry." "That's okay, Scully. Forget it. It's just that..." he trailed off, distracted. "Linda? Linda Giovinazzo?" He loped over to a tall brunette engaged in conversation a few feet away, and tapped her on the shoulder. Scully followed at a distance, her interest piqued. "FOX! Oh my God!" Mulder took the woman into a bear hug and swung her around as she laughed. Her companion wandered off, evidently not interested in socializing with the class outcast. "I can't believe you came to this thing! It's so not you!" "I talked him into it," Scully piped up from where she was standing. She was torn between relief that Mulder had found someone he was actually happy to see, and a slight gnawing jealousy that had rooted itself somewhere at the base of her skull. Has he ever dated someone who *wasn't* a brunette? she wondered dismally. "Scully, this is Linda Giovinazzo, one of the coolest people it has ever been my pleasure to know," Mulder grinned. "Linda, I'd like you to meet my...friend, Dana Scully." The two women shook hands politely. "What are you up to, Giovinazzo?" "Well, Mr. Mulder, I am married, I have *three* kids, if you can believe that, and I'm a prosecutor for the D.A.'s office in Boston." "*Three* kids? You used to hate kids!" Mulder exclaimed. "Yeah, well, I grew up, I guess." She paused and grinned mischievously. "Nah, that's definitely not it. My bastard of a husband knocked me up three times, what can I say? Don't ever believe those birth control statistics, they're lying through their teeth, I swear." They both laughed. "So where is the lucky guy?" Mulder asked. "Rob? Oh, our sitter for the weekend canceled at the last minute, so he stayed home to take care of the little monsters. He had a lot of work he needed to catch up on, anyway, so he probably wouldn't have been much fun. So what's *your* story, Mulder? Married? Kids? Did some smart woman realize what a catch you are, you well-hung piece of ass?" She nudged him playfully. This time it was Dana who blushed. Sure, she had seen Mulder naked in certain medical situations, of course, considering the countless times he had wound up in the hospital, but this was different. Linda was coming a little too close to some of Scully's more... earthy fantasies. "Ohmigod, Dana, I hope I haven't embarrassed you," Linda apologized, her hand flying to her mouth. "I have a huge mouth, always did, just ask Fox." "Huge enough," Mulder concurred, grinning widely, enjoying Scully's discomfort. "Not at all," Dana lied. "So, Mulder," she said, throwing it back at him, "you didn't answer Linda's question." Mulder gave her an evil look before replying. "Not married, no kids, no girlfriend," he mumbled, studying his feet. "Don't worry, Fox, it'll happen, believe me. You must have a career that takes up a lot of your time. What is it? Law? Psychiatry?" "FBI," he told her. Her eyes widened. "FBI. Of course. Well, I can't imagine you have much time for anything else, then, do you?" Mulder and Scully exchanged knowing glances. "No," they said in unison, causing Linda to giggle. "Scully's my partner," Mulder said, by way of explanation. "Well, that explains why you call each other by your last names, I guess. Just like on TV," she snorted. She winked at Scully. "My condolences to you, having to cover this one's ass." Scully laughed. "It's not easy, believe me." She looked at Mulder for his reaction, but he was staring in the opposite direction. "Mulder?" "Huh? Oh, sorry. Listen, I really do see someone I want to say hello to this time. I'll just be a minute," he told her. And then he was gone. Great, Scully thought. Alone with one of Mulder's ex-girlfriends. Does life get any better than this? she wondered sarcastically. "So, Dana, the FBI. Do you enjoy what you do?" She nodded. "It's a commitment, but in the long run, I think that what Mulder and I do is important, that it makes a difference." Linda smiled understandingly. "That's exactly how I feel about working in the D.A.'s office." "How well did you know Mulder?" Dana asked abruptly, cursing herself for being so obvious. Some detective she was. "Fox and I had an interesting relationship," Linda explained, a glint in her dark brown eyes. "We were kind of friends, and then we went out for a while, and realized that we got along a hell of a lot better as just friends. We had a great relationship after we broke up." She hesitated, obviously uncertain if she should say what was on her mind. "I think...other than Dickie Hines, I was the only person at school with whom he could just be himself. Be the wonderful, funny person that he is, that so few people ever get to see." Scully nodded, understanding completely. "Looking back on it, people liked him more than he realized, I think. He was so wrapped up in being an outsider that he didn't understand there were people who wanted to get to know him, to crack that shell. Especially the girls." Linda's introspective expression shifted to a lascivious one. Scully smiled thinly. "Of course." "He certainly turned out well." Linda's gaze wandered, and Dana followed it to where Mulder was standing on the other side of the room, his back to them, conversing with an older man, probably a teacher. Scully had the distinct impression that the focus of Linda's stare was Mulder's well-shaped derriere. Linda laughed, touching Dana on the arm. "Will you listen to me? I sound like I'm turning back into some sex-crazed teenager. You must think I'm awful." Dana grinned, liking this woman in spite of herself. "Not at all. He does have a pretty great butt." **** After Mulder rejoined them, Linda wandered off eventually, and Scully was pleased to see a few other people approach her partner and engage him in conversation. It was usually stilted and not always comfortable, but at least people were making the effort. Other than Linda and the older man, who Mulder explained had been his History teacher, Mulder had not gone out of his way to approach anyone. "How are you doing?" she asked him at one point, when it was just the two of them. "Not bad. Kind of enjoying myself, to tell the truth." He smiled at her. "I want to thank you, Scully, for talking me into this. And for coming with me." She smiled back. "You're welcome. You well-hung piece of ass." She ducked as he took a mock swing at her, and they both laughed. Suddenly he pulled her to him and enveloped her in a strong hug. She tensed at the feel of his body against hers, all joking forgotten. He let her go after a few moments. "What was that for?" His eyes sparkled, and her heart leapt to see the happiness there. "Just saying thanks." He looked like he wanted to say more, and she silently willed him to spit it out. "Mulder? Fox Mulder? Is that you, you crazy bastard?" asked a booming voice from behind them. Mulder smiled hugely. "Dickie Hines, you fat cocksucker." He turned around to see the closest person in the world to him for four miserable years of his life. Richard caught him in a bear hug and Mulder returned it warmly, feeling a rush of affection for his old friend. He looked good--full head of brown hair, the same warm brown eyes, trim figure, and a beard and mustache he certainly hadn't sported in high school. He was attired in an expensive-looking navy blue suit and a red tie that he could easily see Scully picking out for him. "Jesus, Dickie, you look like shit," he lied. Richard grinned. "You too, fuckface," he returned gleefully. "But, um, it's Rich or Richard now." Mulder made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "You'll always be a little Dickie to me." "Sounds like something my ex-wife said at the divorce hearing," Richard laughed. "So, how are you, man?" "Not bad, not bad." Mulder suddenly remembered his manners as Scully elbowed him in the ribs. "Uh, Dickie, this is my...friend, Dana Scully." Scully furrowed her brow. That was the second time tonight Mulder had had to think about it before introducing her as his "friend." What was going on in that impossible mind of his? Richard's eyes gleamed as he looked at Scully appreciatively. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he said, taking her hand. Scully smiled graciously. "It's nice to meet you, too." Richard pulled his eyes away from Scully reluctantly and turned back to Mulder. "So what are you up to? What are you doing with yourself these days?" "I'm with the FBI." "FBI? Are you serious? They let *you* into the FBI? Well, I guess that's what happens to fancy boys who go to Oxford." "Well, you know me, I just slept my way in," Mulder joked, eyes glittering, eliciting a snicker from Scully. "I'll just bet you did." Richard looked at Dana. "Is he still the lady-killer he was back in the days?" "Oh, absolutely," Dana said blandly. Mulder shot her a dirty look. "You know, Scully...ah, Dana, is my partner," Mulder put in to deflect the conversation away from himself. "Really?" Richard eyed Scully with renewed interest. "I'm also a medical doctor," Scully told him. She had to add that, if only to bug Mulder, he expected it. True to form, he rewarded her with an "Aren't you special" grimace. Richard was now practically licking his lips. Scully, as usual, Mulder noted, seemed to have no idea of the effect she was having on his friend. "So am I! What's your specialty?" "Forensic pathology." "Fascinating, fascinating. I'm a chiropractor, myself." "I've always found that to be an interesting field," Scully said politely. "It is. I'd love to talk to you about it. And I'd also love to hear more about what you do. What both of you do," he added hastily. He clasped Mulder's arm. "You know, it really is great to see you again." "Same here, Dickie," Mulder grinned. He was immensely enjoying Scully's seeming oblivion to Richard's interest in her. Although he wasn't sure he was enjoying the way Richard's eyes glistened every time he looked at Scully. He looked too... hungry. "Hey, Mulder, Anise Moran is here," Richard was saying. "Oh." Mulder felt his dinner from earlier congeal in his stomach. "Shit." "Anise?" Scully questioned. Richard leaned in toward her, a little closer than was necessary. "The proverbial one that got away. The one who tore out his heart, threw it on the floor, and stomped all over it." "Thanks, Dickie. You always did know how to turn a phrase," Mulder sneered. "Mulder, you'll be okay with this, won't you?" Scully asked, concerned. She had suspected that Phoebe Green had not been the only woman to break Mulder's heart, but was still upset to find out she had been correct. She fought a sudden impulse to hold him close, to try to protect him from the big bad world. "Anise is ancient history. I was just a kid then. Give me a break, okay?" Like she believed him for a minute. She nodded and squeezed his arm, willing to go along with the charade. Mulder knew that Scully knew he was full of it, and he was tremendously grateful she wasn't pressing the issue. He tried to communicate his thanks to her with his eyes, and saw understanding reflected back at him in her own. She gave him a slow smile, and his heart skipped a beat. God, what the hell was happening to him? Maybe that fruit punch had been stronger than he thought. He quickly turned his attention back to Hines. "Where is she?" Richard gestured toward the rear of the auditorium with his chin. "Over there, holding court, as usual." Mulder didn't look. "I'm sure I'll run into her later," he said casually. Richard gave him a knowing stare. "Don't worry, Mulder. I'm sure *she'll* find *you*." He cocked his head as the band struck up a slow, romantic tune. "Dana, would you care to dance?" "Suuure," she said slowly, with a raised eyebrow for Mulder. He was obviously smothering a grin. Bastard. "I'd love to, Richard." Head held high for Mulder's benefit, she took Richard's arm and accompanied him to the dance floor. Mulder watched them go, his initial delight at Scully receiving unwanted attention supplanted by an odd pang of jealousy. *Was* the attention even unwanted? He prided himself on being able to read Scully pretty well, but Richard was an attractive, friendly, caring man. Why wouldn't she be interested in him? Why shouldn't he *want* her to be interested in someone like Dickie Hines? Because she's not supposed to be interested in other guys, a small, petty voice inside his head told him. The realization unnerved him. Would she...could she... "Fox?" He stiffened at the honeyed voice that he hadn't heard in 20 years, but which he nonetheless recognized immediately. "Hello, Anise." To be concluded. =========================================================================== From: dianora2@aol.com (Dianora2) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: You Can't Go Home Again 3/3 Date: 1 Jun 1996 22:00:26 -0400 Please let me know if Part 2 of this didn't post. Thanks. "You Can't Go Home Again" 3/3 by Dianora All previous disclaimers apply. Comments to Dianora2@aol.com. Dana smiled up at Richard, thinking how odd it felt to be in a man's arms, how unusual it was to be touched in any way by a man other than Mulder. She hadn't had a date in so long, she doubted she'd even be able to remember how to kiss a man. Now there's a depressing thought, she frowned. "Dana? Is something wrong?" She jerked out of her reverie, flashed what she hoped was a winning smile. "No. Not at all." "Dana, how is Mulder? I mean, really." "What do you mean exactly?" she asked, not sure how much Richard knew. "Has he...they never found Samantha, did they." It was not a question. Scully met his eyes steadily. "No," she said firmly, knowing with all her heart that the woman Mulder had traded for her one dark night didn't count. "But he's still looking." Richard's face grew sad, and Dana felt a pang of affection for this man she barely knew, but who obviously cared a great deal for Mulder. "I was hoping that maybe he'd finally made peace with himself about it. That he'd finally be able to let go of it, get on with his life." "I don't think that will happen. Not until he finds her." Richard searched her face, realization dawning in his warm brown eyes. "You're helping him, aren't you. To find Sam." Dana nodded. "And to find peace." His arm tightened around her waist, and it took all of her self-control not to stiffen at the gesture. But he hardly seemed to be thinking of her at the moment. His gaze was over her head, looking at something in the distance. "You know, that pain was always just beneath the surface with him," he said distractedly. "It made him more vulnerable, more easily hurt by others, and not many people realized it. It killed me every time someone hurt him all over again." "Richard, what is it?" Scully craned her head around to see Mulder talking to a statuesque, gorgeous brunette. She felt her heart sink a little. "Anise." **** "Fox, how are you?" Anise purred, running her hand along his lapel and kissing the air next to his cheek. Mulder held himself very still, willing himself not to notice the lush curves of her body beneath the clinging, silk, midnight blue dress, the fall of her dark hair, or the richness of her green eyes. Anise had transformed from the pretty teenager he remembered into a positively stunning woman. "I'm fine, Anise. How have you been?" He was relieved that his voice didn't crack. "Oh, absolutely wonderful," she gushed. "I'm living in New York, where I own a lovely little boutique on the Upper East Side." "That's great, Anise. I'm happy for you," he lied. I am a grown man in my thirties, he told himself sternly. I am not going to let this woman turn me back into some gawky teenager. "I work for the FBI. I'm a *Special Agent*," he said. Oh God, it was happening. The Geek Within was rearing its ugly head. It worked, unfortunately. A carnivorous gleam appeared in her eyes as she looked him up and down in a new light. "FBI. Fascinating. Is it...dangerous?" She sounded as if nothing would give her more pleasure. Mulder reflected on how he'd much rather be dealing with Eugene Tooms or Donnie Pfaster at the moment. "No more dangerous than walking the streets of Manhattan, I'm sure." "Oh, darling, you have no idea." **** "So are you and Mulder..." "No," she said instantly, reflexively, the way she always did. Richard eyed her a little strangely. "I mean, we're best friends, and I trust him more than anyone in this world, but, no, we're not...you know." "Well, it's his loss," Richard said smoothly. A little too smoothly. It irked her. "Thanks." His arm tightened around her waist again, and she smiled wanly. How long was this song, anyway? Richard was perfectly nice, but he was becoming a bit too predatory all of a sudden. All she could think about was Mulder talking to that woman, that Phoebe Green wannabe. "She really hurt him badly, didn't she, Richard." He raised an eyebrow. "Who? Anise? Yeah. Dumped him like a hot potato. He was devastated and she just...didn't care." An idea formed in Dana's mind. She couldn't believe she was seriously considering it, but her heart was going out to Mulder with an intensity that shocked her. She couldn't allow him to be hurt again, not after witnessing his debacle with Phoebe. After all, what were friends for? She stopped dancing. "Richard, will you please excuse me? There's something I have to do." Richard's face visibly fell, but he forced a smile. "Mulder's a lucky man, Dana. You'll be the one who finally gives him the happiness he deserves, I know it." Dana blushed, opened her mouth to protest, but settled for returning his smile and squeezing his hand. "And he was lucky to have you when he did." **** "So, Fox." Anise stood as close to him as possible without actually touching him. "Would you like to dance?" Mulder's mind raced for an excuse, any excuse. I have a prosthetic leg, dancing is prohibited by my doctor, I think I hear the tea kettle whistling... "Umm..." "*Fox*, who's this?" He almost jumped out of his skin as Scully appeared at his side and wrapped her arm around his possessively. He looked down at her questioningly, and she gave him a look that clearly said, *I'm bailing you out here, work with me*. War broke out within him. Part of him was indignant that she felt he needed the protection, part of him was relieved at being rescued, part of him felt immeasurable warmth for this amazing woman who was his partner, and part of him couldn't help but notice that from this angle he could see down Scully's shirt. The bra was black satin. He tore his eyes away with difficulty. "Dana Scully, Anise Moran." Scully extended a limp wrist, which Anise shook languidly. "Charmed," Scully yawned, and Mulder stifled a chuckle. Anise smiled artificially. "Why, Fox, you didn't tell me you were with someone." She looked Dana up and down cooly, obviously not impressed. "Dana is...we're very close," he said lamely. That was the truth, at least. He was too taken aback by Scully's performance to come up with something more original. "*Darling*," and now Dana was purring almost the way Anise had been, but without the edge, pressing herself against him in a way that made him dizzy, "you promised me a dance before we left, and it's getting late." She smoothed his tie and batted her eyelashes, and Mulder had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing. "Of course, *dear*." He nodded at Anise. "Nice seeing you, Anise. Take care." Anise just smiled tightly. **** As soon as they reached a spot on the dance floor and Mulder took Scully in his arms, they took one look at each other and burst out laughing. "Thank you so much, *sweetheart*," Mulder grinned. "Any time, *pumpkin*." Mulder snickered, then smiled down at her affectionately. "I mean it, Scully. Thanks." "Well, Mulder, I couldn't just stand by and let her hurt you...again." All of his defenses rose at the notion that he couldn't take care of himself, but relaxed when he admitted to himself that wasn't how Scully saw it. This woman cares about me probably more than anyone ever has in my entire life, he realized. It was like an epiphany, and he wanted to shout it to the world, suddenly. There was a time, he thought, when I was young and stupid, that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with someone like Anise Moran. He had never dreamed of meeting anyone like Dana Scully, didn't think anyone with her brilliance, beauty, and deep compassion even existed. Now, when he thought about his future, the only person he could see as always being there, the one constant, was...Scully. Without thinking, he reached out and smoothed her hair back from her face, delighting in the feel of her soft hair against his skin. She froze, and he was afraid he had offended her, when he realized with a thrill that she was having the same physical reaction he was. His breath caught, and he pulled his hand away hastily. "Sorry," he mumbled. "It's...it's okay, Mulder." She smiled at him, and he drew her closer, enjoying the feel of her satin shirt beneath his fingers. She was wearing a light floral fragrance that contrasted wonderfully with the heavy, musky scent Anise had been sporting. He felt a strange tingling in his head and a tightening in his groin. "So," he said, eager to talk, to think about something other than the way Dana Scully fit into his arms so perfectly, "Richard seemed quite taken with you." Two spots of pink appeared on her cheeks. "Oh, I don't know about that." "Was the feeling mutual?" he asked, trying not to sound too obvious. God, I sound like a freaking jealous boyfriend. She looked at him quizzically. "He seems like a good man. He cares about you a lot. I'm not interested in him, though. Not like that." He couldn't believe the wave of relief that washed over him. "That's right, I forgot, you go for the brainless jock type," he teased, covering his reaction. He received a light punch in the stomach as a retort. "Ow!" They just danced for a while, holding each other, enjoying the warmth of the embrace. Then Mulder opened his mouth and the words just came tumbling out. "You know, I never felt as comfortable with any of these people, including Richard, as I do with you." She looked up at him, startled, but he pulled her closer, and she placed her head against his chest as they continued to sway to the music. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply the sweet scent of her. "No one understands me like you do, Dana," he whispered. And knew, for the first time, just how true that was. She tensed slightly, but did not move from his embrace. He held his breath, wanting--needing-- some sort of response. After what seemed like forever, she lifted her head, and looked directly at him with those beautiful blue eyes. "I could say the same thing about you." She tried to say it lightly. It didn't work. Their eyes held for what seemed like an eternity. "You know, I've seen everyone I want to see tonight," Mulder said in a rush. Let me make some plans to see Richard tomorrow, and then we'll get out of here." "Mulder..." she chewed her lower lip. "I just want...let's just go back to the hotel, and talk. I just want to talk." She exhaled loudly, relieved. "Okay." They found Richard over by the punch bowl, and Mulder made plans to have lunch with him the following day. Richard gave Dana a good-bye kiss on the cheek and one last wistful look. Then Scully insisted they track down Linda and say good-bye to her as well. When they had finished their farewells, Mulder guided Scully to the door, his hand resting lightly on the small of her back. **** The ride back was quiet at first, almost tense, but then Mulder launched into a scathing commentary on half of his high school class that had Scully gasping with laughter by the time they got back to the inn. They went to Scully's room, which was naturally neater, and Mulder ripped off his tie with a sigh of relief. He sprawled out on the bed and watched Scully as she took off her watch and set it on the bureau, then slipped out of her high heels, rubbing her stockinged feet. "Oh, that feels wonderful," she moaned softly. Mulder licked his lips as a jolt of desire shot through him. "Is it hot in here?" he murmured. "What?" "Nothing, forget it." Scully hopped up onto the bed next to him and ruffled his hair playfully. "Well, I think we're both relieved that you're out of that dreadful tie." He smiled back, but she was so close to him that he couldn't think straight. He wondered what would happen if he moved his head just a little bit closer, pressed his lips to the ivory skin above her neckline...Jesus Christ. He jumped up and began pacing. "Mulder, what is it?" Dana didn't know what to make of his behavior tonight, ever since she had pulled that stunt with Anise. And that dance... it had felt so good to be held by him, and he had been so sweet...she didn't want to analyze the feelings it stirred up inside of her. "Scully, we've known each other for a while now," he said, as if beginning a speech. "I know, Mulder." "And we're...pretty close, aren't we?" "Of course we are. We're partners." He stopped pacing, stared at her intensely, mouth working, trying to get out the words. She got up and walked over to him, concerned, but curious at the same time. "Is that all? Just what the hell are we, Dana? Really?" he croaked. "Partners...good friends...best friends," she stammered, involuntarily taking a step back. "Dammit, it feels like more than that and you know it." She looked at the floor, at the walls--anywhere but at him, her hands fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Maybe if she hadn't worn this damn outfit she wouldn't have to be dealing with this. He stepped closer to her, tilted her chin up with one finger, and looked into her eyes. She gulped at the expression on his face. "Is that all we are, Dana?" he whispered, so low she could barely hear him. "Just partners? Just... friends?" And then he kissed her. Softly, tenderly, tentatively, unsure that she would respond. She froze at first, but then, as the shock faded, desire took its place, and she found herself opening her mouth to him, and the sensation of his tongue sliding against hers made her knees buckle. She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, and all she could think was, I am kissing Fox Mulder and the ceiling is not falling in on us, the world is not ending. For endless moments they luxuriated in the feel of each other, in the hot, sweet kiss that had suddenly become their entire world. Then he pulled away from her lips and began kissing her neck, her ear, caressing her with his mouth and tongue until she sighed with pleasure, burying her fingers in his soft brown hair. And then he was back to her lips, searching, probing, demanding now, the kisses building in intensity. For a long time they just delighted in kissing, caressing, necking like teenagers. He reached up to touch her breast through the green satin, and a small sound escaped from the back of her throat. He began to nuzzle her neck again, to taste that smooth, scented skin that had been tempting him all night. "Dana, God, I want you so badly," he whispered, his breath warm and moist against her neck. His words snapped her back to reality like a bucket of ice dumped down her back. Before she could change her mind, she pushed him away, gently but firmly, hating to do it, knowing she had to. "Mulder... no. I can't do this. Not now." He looked at her in disbelief, hurt shadowing his exquisite hazel eyes. "What? But I thought...did I just make a complete fool out of myself?" She felt him pulling away from her emotionally as well as physically, could see him starting to shut her out, and she refused to let that happen. "No! Mulder, of course not. I want you too, you know I do. I think we've both known it, for ages." He smiled a bit at that. Good. "It's just...this is too much, too soon. I need to think about this. Alone. I just...I just need to figure out what to do, here. I don't want us to make a huge mistake." "Fine. Take all the time you need," he said bitterly, walking away from her. "Mulder, don't do this," she said quickly, "I won't *let* you do this. Don't shut me out." He stopped, turned around to face her. "God, can't I at least have until the morning to think this through? To decide whether or not to risk the most wonderful friendship I've ever had in my life for something that could be even more wonderful? Or for something that could also destroy everything we've worked for?" "We wouldn't allow that to happen," he snapped. "Mulder...am I really asking for so much?" she whispered, feeling tears wanting to surface. Please understand, she thought desperately. I couldn't stand to lose you. He softened as he looked at her, and she could see the shields fall from his eyes. "No. I guess not. I'm sorry. I just...I really want you, Dana. And God, it feels so good to finally tell you, to show you." She looked away, embarrassed. He approached her again, placed his arms gingerly around her waist. "Always the sensible one, aren't you, Scully?" "Well, someone has to be in this partnership," she retorted, smiling. He hesitated. "Can I at least get...a goodnight kiss?" He consciously gave her what he knew from past experience was his most endearing look. She sighed. That little-boy bit was going to be the end of her one of these days, she just knew it. "I think we can manage that." He pressed his lips gently to hers, and she fought back the surge of longing that swept through her, threatening to block out all the rationale she had just been preaching. He reached up to briefly caress her cheek, then pulled away, both of them a little breathless. "Good night, Scully." "Good night, Mulder." She watched him leave and go back to his room alone. The End.