From:             Bexbel <Bexbel@aol.com>
Date sent:        Wed, 11 Mar 1998 09:30:47 EST
Subject:          Breaking up is hard to do

Disclaimers: Mulder, Scully and the cast of characters
of the X files, do not belong to me. Sadly. I'm just
playing a while..give them back later. Don't sue.

Archive if you want, as long as my name stays
attached.

Feedback: Yes please. No flames. please. It's hard
enough to write this stuff in the first place. :-) 
Bexbel@aol.com

Spoilers: Maybe, lucky people in the states will have
seen all. Us in the UK are just starting to see season
5.

Rating: NC17. All of my stuff is.

Authors notes: This story is my thoughts on how I
think the `break up' may happen, and the events that
follow. No X file, just Mulder and Scully angst and
lllooovvee.

                           Breaking up is hard to do.
                           by Bexbel.


September 1998,
Dana Scully Personal journal.

It's been a long time coming, this decision. Now I
have finally made it, I don't feel the way I presumed
I would. I don't feel relaxed or easy with it. On the
contrary. I'm anxious, scared even. But somewhere,
deep down, I know it's the right one for me.

I've spent the last five years with a man who is
brilliant, vivacious, relentless, and obsessive. I
can't say that I have enjoyed every minute. How could
I? I've nearly lost my life on countless occasions,
I've lost family, lost myself within our quest. But
that's the crux. It was `our' quest. I made decisions
to stay with him, to find the truth we had both been
seeking. Searching for his sister, the reasons she was
taken. We have discovered a conspiracy of lies and
half truths. I became a mother, and lost a child. 

Now he has found his sister. He waits for her to come
to him now, rather than the other way round. My cancer
is all but a viciously dark dream. My child is buried.
She died. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel.
But I just felt empty, alone..cold.

I still do.

I've been dancing around what I really need to write.
It's so hard for me. 

One of the main reasons I have to move on is Mulder. I
know now that he will never be, what I need him to be.
Either I haven't the strength to push him, or I'm too
scared to. We both feel the same about
our...friendship? Partnership? Relationship? God, what
do I call it?

Platonic love is fine, absolutely fine. For some.
Unfortunately not for me.

What really scares me, is how he will take it. My
leaving the bureau, him, us.

I have run through the scenarios in my head countless
times. Betrayal, angry, nonchalant, resigned. All of
the plays make my stomach turn. But I have to do this,
for my own life. My sanity. Myself.

I'm going back to Quanico to teach. Something I always
loved. Something I know I'm good at. I'll miss `us'
though. I'll miss him. But we'll survive. We always
have.

******************************************************
***************

AD Skinner's Offices
8.30am.

`Come in Agent Scully..' she takes a deep breath as
she stands, holding the envelope which will end her
time in the basement office.

Skinner stands with a tiny smile curving his lips as
she sits, adjusting her skirt. 

`What can I do for you?' 

Scully places her envelope on the table in front of
him. Gently, as if she fears it will explode, with the
pressure of what's in it.

`Sir, I'm tendering my resignation, I'm going back to
Quanico, to teach...' Skinner interrupts with a hand
raised as he reads the professionally typed letter.
One paragraph, that's all there is.

Skinner eventually sits down on his huge leather
chair, his smile vanished.

`Why?..You have not given any reasons in this..' he
flaps the paper in the air, at her.

Scully begins with her prepared speech.

`Sir, most of my reasons are professional ones. I have
given five years to this project, I feel it's time I
move on. Mulder and I have some of our answers and I
need to move in a different direction. There are
things I want, which are unobtainable if I continue
with Agent Mulder and the X files.'

`Has Agent Mulder been unprofessional with
you..?..I..mean..' Skinner having to ask, to him it
all seems unbelievable.

Scully holds back a full blown laugh at the directors
embarrassment.

`No!..No Sir..he has always been very
workmen-like...This is not a decision which has been
made hastily. It has been coming for a while now. And
I know it is time.'

`I see. Have you told agent Mulder of your
intentions?' Skinner glared at her, he understood
there complex situation, the respect they shared, he
knew it would be a bloody scene.

`No Sir not yet..' Scully felt her face flush, as the
fear in her belly flooded her senses at the thought.

`Oh...well what can I say Dana...We will miss you. I
will miss you. If there is anything I can do..in the
future please don't hesitate to call. It's been a
pleasure and a privilege to have worked with you. I
wish you every success and happiness in your future
career..' Skinner stood and reached his hand out.

Scully stood swallowing hard, thinking that wasn't too
bad, silently hoping that Mulder would take it as
well. She took his hand, shaking it firmly. Giving him
a patented Scully smile. To her surprise he didn't let
go but placed a kiss on the back of her hand.

Blushing even harder she tilted her head to catch his
eyes from under her lashes.

`As I said, it's been a privilege knowing you. May you
find what your looking for.' His voice tenderised with
sincerity of his words. She felt her eyes sting with
tears. This was sad, It was harder than she thought it
would be.

`Me too..thank you.' Skinner lead her to the door,
standing, watching her leave his secretaries office to
make her way to the basement.

******************************************************
****************

Before she entered, holding the handle, to open it.
She took a deep breath, flicked her hair behind her
ear. And pushed the door open.

`Hi!' He called from the back of the room, the
butterflies in her stomach had metamorphasised into
bats and had taken flight. 

`Good ...weekend..' there was a thud as he moved from
under the sink with a wrench in his hand. Scully
couldn't help the smile that curved her lips as she
watched him, covered in grime and crap from the long
time blocked sink.

`Not bad..You finally fixed it then?' a little sarcasm
in her tone. She walked over to him to inspected the
inside of the bowl.

`Yeah..bet you didn't think I could be
so..plumberlike?' he giggled and caught her eyes..she
was waiting for the right time. Would there ever be a
`right' time.

`You got me Mulder..you never cease to impress me with
your ingenuity.' smiling and turning from him ,she
placed her purse on the desk, and threw her coat on
the stand.

He started to clean up. 

`Yeah well, I know I can be slow on the uptake, but
eventually I get there..' sloshing water around the
bowl to rinse the muck away.

`Mulder..' she started, standing uncomfortably against
the wall as she watch him.

He interrupted..

`I know..I know..'

`You know what?' for a moment she thought that the
grapevine had kicked in with supersonic speed and he
knew what she was going to say.

`I know it's taken me five years to do this, but it's
better late than never..right?' he turned wiping his
hands on the mangy hand towel that hung from the rail.

`Ar..right..' she placated, distracted. He picked up
on it.

`You all right? You seem..odd..' He wandered back to
his desk and pulled a clean shirt from his draw and
started to unbutton the mucked up one.

`Mulder..I have..' she settled at her chair and
watched as his chest came into view, as he slipped on
the clean one.

`What?' You got a new dog..?' He chuckled..'Cause if
you want me to dog sit you got the wrong guy..I'

`Mulder! shut up!...' he looked up at her stunned.

She let out the anger with the last breath and took
another one.

Both their eyes fixed on each others. Searching each
others for understanding.

For a few seconds there was silence. A painful
silence.

Her goes she thought as she began, having got his
undivided attention.

`Mulder I have just handed in my resignation to
Skinner. He has excepted it. I leave on Friday. I've
got my old job back at Quanico...' she wanted to
explain more, more eloquently. But she had got it out.
In one breath. Without the ground opening up under
her. Now she waited, and watched for his reaction.

Mulder just stared at her. Did he take it in? Did he
realise what she was saying? She couldn't tell. He was
just silent. And staring at her.

She felt she needed to say more and began.

`I know this is a shock. I have been thinking about
moving on for a while now and..'

`Friday?' he whispered, mouthed the words. He looked
lost, he looked devastated.

`Yes....Friday...' she softened to his tone.

`Why didn't you tell me you were unhappy?' he managed
through holding back his grief.

`I..It's not that..I'm not unhappy...' before she
could continue he stood and walked to the door.
Stopping to reach into his pocket and pulled his keys
out. He fiddled with the chain and hooked off her door
key,  looking her in the eye. Anger and Betrayal, loss
and fear, all visible on his features.

`Catch!..' he threw them to her and her reactions were
quick enough, she caught them.

`Mul'..' she felt her heart stop, constrict and twist.

He left.

 Then the anger hit her. Was that all he was going to
 say on the subject? After all they had been through.
 All they had seen? All they had been to each other?
 Were his last words to her going to be `catch'? 

`Bastard..' Scully seethed, boiled and cried silently
in the office. She let her eyes roam the walls. The
posters and the photos. His desk, her desk. 

She stood and walked to his chair, running her hand
over the back, she caught a scent in her nose. His
scent. That was the straw that broke her camels back.
She knew then she would never be able to smell that
scent again. Touch him, or laugh with him. Ever.

Knowing him as she did. He would sever himself from
her completely. It would be easier for him, and her.
Cold turkey was the only way of ridding one other of
the narcotic, that they both were to each other.

When the realisation dawned, she slowly sat in his
chair and curled up her legs, totally immersed in it.
In him, and closed her eyes.

In her scenarios she hadn't envisaged not ever seeing
him again. Not realised it would be so `final'. She
thought they would still be friends, and good ones.
But not this. How could she be so naive? How could she
have thought it would be simple? Her life and feelings
for him had never been simple.

She reached into her pocket and fingered his key,
marked ironically, Mulder. Taking it off her muddle of
car and home keys. She put it on the table.

And left.

******************************************************
***************

Mulder's personal journal

What the fuck happened today? The one thing I do know
for sure is Dana Scully decided she could no longer
work with me. She felt the need to get me out of her
life and start a new one.

I'm angry! I'm pissed! I'm
ab..so..lut..ly...devastated.

I didn't wait for her to explain, I didn't wait to
hear if I could reverse her decision. I just felt
betrayed. We have fought so hard for what we want. And
yet, she decided without my input to leave me. Desert
me. She didn't even ask me if we could work it out. I
thought we were friends. I thought she cared for me.
At least enough to tell me what the problem was. 

I gave back her key. That was my only connection to
her. It was like I pulled out my heart and threw it at
her. Broken and useless. Bitter and cold. I feel
terrible I left her like that. But I was so crushed.
How could she?

She knows what she is to me, what she has always been
to me. Doesn't she? I know I don't talk about my
feelings much, she doesn't either, but we both still
understood. Didn't we?

This platonic love isn't all it's cracked up to be. It
still cracks you down the middle when it's over. In
fact I think it's worse.

Over. God that was so hard to write. I don't want to
believe that. I can't believe it. After five years of
death, loss and mutual respect, it just can't be over.

I won't let it. Not like that. Not how I walked out. I
just left her, as she left me. That is just too cruel.

September 1998 Mulder.

******************************************************
***************

Scully's apartment,
Two days later.

`Hi Mum'

`Hello love..did you hand in your notice?'

`Yes.'

`How did it go?'

`Oh well Skinner was sweet. He was sad I think..'

`And Fox?'

`Mulder Mum..Mulder..'

`Whatever..What did he say?'

`...he said..'catch'..'

`What?..Catch?' 

`Yeah...He threw my key back at me..' 

`That well hey?'

`Mum..I'm so scared I'll not see him again..'

`What did you expect? He is in love with you and you
walked away!' 

`I..I..don't know..I thought that he would say more
than just Catch..'

`Give him time..he'll come around..'

`Maybe..'

`Are you having a leaving party?'

`Yeah some of the agents have arranged a shindig on
Friday..'

`Well, he'll be there then..'

`I'm not holding my breath Mum. He has taken some
holiday. And to be honest I haven't been in either.'

`Oh Dana..'

`I know..I'm a coward.'

`Do you want me to come over love?'

`No Mum..I'll be fine..I'll ring you when it's all
over.'

`Over?'

`Friday..over..when the party is over.'

`OK see you soon love..ring me if you need me..'

`I will bye Mum..'

Dana hung up, curled herself under her blanket and
flicked on the television. Turning the sound down she
stared into space. Waiting patiently for Friday.

******************************************************
***************

Friday 8.30.
McGatters Bar
Washington.

The agents and Skinner were there dressed in the
weekend casual, as she walked in, half an hour late.
Dressed in a soft figure hugging jumper and a flowing
silk skirt, little pumps and matching purse. Her hair
up and kempt. She knew she looked so unlike her usual
G girl get up. And was pleasantly surprised with the
odd wolf whistle she got as she crossed the bar, to
the gathering of colleagues and friends she had made
over the years. 

They had made a good bye banner and had strung it up
over the bar. They were all a little lushed up and in
good party spirits. She put on her best smile, to
conceal her misery, at not seeing Mulder in amongst
the crowd.

`Dana!..Wow you look stunning! Come and have a
drink..' Agent Dickinson edged her to the growing pile
of presents and drinks,  handing her a wine.

`Thanks..Geese these all for me?!' she chuckled..

`You bet..You know we are really going to miss
you..really..' he said sincerely.

`Thanks Joe..I'll miss you rabble as well.'

The drinking continued, laughing and joking. Scully
tried to look as though she was enjoying the party.
But the truth be told. She wishing she could be as far
away from here as possible.

They brought her out a cake and handed her the
presents to open. Which she did with smiles and
laughter at the bit's and bobs she received.

Praying silently that there would be one from Mulder.
There wasn't.

What made the party very hard to take was the stories
and incidents they talked about. Mulder's name came up
constantly. Obviously. But what was sweet, none asked
where he was. Scully realised they understood they had
parted in circumstances which were hard for them both,
and now was not the time to make comments about the
situation. 

She was relieved. She wasn't in the mood to get into
that, when she was about to embark on a new beginning.

The party started to wind down and Skinner made his
way to her. 

`Dana..I have something for you..'

`What? Not another `I want to believe poster?' she
smiled referring to the one she had all ready got from
the girls in the typing pool.

`No this one is from Mulder. ` he handed her a small,
flat, square box, wrapped. No label or tag.

She felt relief, she felt dread rush her, as well as
curiosity. She looked into Skinner's eyes. 

`He asked me to give it to you tonight, and to
apologise for not coming.'

`Right..' she nodded her head, pulling her hair behind
her ear, nervously.

`I'll open it later..' she grinned and gave him a hug.

`I'm sorry Dana..' sadly he whispered into her ear.

`Thanks..' she pulled away and picked up her gifts,
made her excuses and left.

******************************************************
***************

Scully got to her car and dumped her gifts and cake
into the boot. Bar one. The one from him.

Sitting in the car, she opened it. 

A CD. No writing or reference to what was on it. No
note, no card.

Without hesitation she put it in the player in her
dash. And sat back apprehensive. To listen.

`For all the times you stood by me,
`For all the truths that you made me see,

Tears sprang immediately to her eyes as Cilon Dion
began to sing, the tune continued..

`For all the joy you brought to my life,
`For all the wrong that you made right,
`For every dream you made come true,
`For all the love I found in you..'

Jesus this was him telling her, he forgave her
decision, understood her even. And yet although she
was relieved, she was still angry. Because if only...

`I'll be forever thankful baby,
`Your the one who held me up,
`Never let me fall,
`Your the one that saw me through,
`Through it all'

Why hadn't he told her this before? why did he have to
wait till she was gone.

`You were my strength, when I was weak,
`You were my voice, when I couldn't speak,
`You were my eyes, when I couldn't see,
`You saw the best and worst in me..'

She was sobbing uncontrollably now, hands covering her
eyes, listing to the words, his words. She was sad,
happy, he was telling her, he was pleased for her in
his own way, she was free. but she didn't want to be
`that' free...

`Lifted me up, when I couldn't reach,
`You gave me faith, cause you believe,
`I'm everything I am,
`Because you loved me..'

Because you loved me, Christ that was true she huffed
out as she wiped her tears to regain her composure a
little. 

`You gave me wings and made me fly,
`You touched my hand, I could touch the sky
`I lost my faith you gave it back to me,
`You said no star was out of reach,
`You stood by me and I stood tall,
`I had your love, I had it all...

I had? Your love..Had?..Jesus!..He thinks I don't love
him! Scully shook her head, this wasn't about not
loving him anymore, this was about loving him too much
to stand back and not have it all.

`I'm grateful for each day you gave me,
`Baby I don't know that much,
`But I know this much is true,
`I was blessed because I was
`Loved by you..'

`You were always there for me,
`The tender wind that carried me,
`Lighting the dark, shining you light into my life,

Scully's tears flowed and her heart raced, her fists
clenching with anger and frustration. Did he really
mean all of this? God she hoped so.

`You have been my inspiration!
`Though the lies, you were the truth.!

`Oh God!..' she sobbed into her hands, what had she
done?..What was she going to do?

`My world is a better place,
`Because of you!'
`My hope, 

`I'm everything I am, Because you loved me...' 

The song faded out and ended. She sat stunned and
confused. It took a while for her to regain her
composure, tidy her face up and look halfway
respectable.

She took a long hard look at herself in the vanity
mirror, as she brushed her hair.

`Well that's it you yellow bastard!...I'm not leaving
it here..'

She slammed the stickshift into drive and pulled out
into the street. her mind made up. Apprehensive or
not, she was not going to end it in this car park. She
had a thousand things to say, many explanations to
give. Reasons. Conclusions. Revelations.

******************************************************
***************

She screeched into the buildings parking and leaped
from the car. Walking briskly up the stairs to the
elevator.

As she rose up in it, her heart pounding, questions
she was going to ask, answers she was going to give.
Striding out along the corridor she rummaged for his
key. Cursed when she realised she gave it back. Five
seconds from his door. She breathed, held it and
banged on the door.

******************************************************
***************

She didn't wait for him to get up from the couch, she
knew he would be on, banged violently again.

She heard a muffled shout of,

`Coming..coming Jesus..' 

Then door swung open in front of her and there he was,
finally. 

Face to face.

For a few seconds they just stared, she tried to read
his expression. He wasn't expecting to see her, that
she could tell.

He didn't show signs of inviting her in, so she walked
in forcefully, turned as he did,  closing the door,
slowly, not looking her in the eye.

He looked like a tramp, tatty jeans, worn out henley,
hair ruffled and bare footed.

She looked him over once, then he looked at her.
Something snapped and she lifted her hand, smacking
him across the face.

Hard.

He fell to he's knees in front of her and grabbed her
around her waist, pushing his face into her stomach,
sobbed, as she hit him again, several times..

`Why?..Why now..?...Why..?' she held his face in her
hands to look at him, he was leaking water from his
eyes..Not realising at first that her body was
stirring. The knots in her belly unravelling, an
amazing calmness swam through her. She hadn't realised
how much she had missed his face. His touch. His
presence.

His hands caressing her lower back and buttocks. He
was cradling her, as if she was his life raft. His
reason for living was in his life again.

`Scully...Scully..Scully..' he chanted silently as he
searched her eyes, for understanding.

`Why..now?' she repeated, noting she was crying to.
Sinking to her own knees her hands on his cheeks.

`I'd lost you..' he managed, ducking his head in shame
at his weakness. 

`Ooohh Mulder..You'll never loose me..' she tilted his
face towards her's and kissed him, firm and
confidently. Innocently, she held his face still, as
she slide her lips across his, urging, pleading with
him to reciprocate. Gently sliding her tongue along
his bottom lip. She was rewarded with a moan, from his
chest that reverberated to her lips. Making her heart
leap.

She wanted him. All of him.

His hands tightened there grip on her and slid lower,
she pulled back to open her eyes and look at his. He
had stopped crying, but wasn't smiling, he took a deep
breath and pulled her ass into his growing manhood.
Making her moan now. He was deadly serious. His eyes
flared and dilated as he swooped in to capture her
lips, making her gasp, with delight as he pushed her
back to the floor. He took the opportunity to slide
his tongue into her mouth. 

The tastes and textures overwhelmed them for a split
second, both groaning. Both of the lovers, knowing
each other for the first time. Learning..

His hands raking over her form, hindered by her
clothes. Passion rising in both, they began to rip and
tear at the offending garments..

He looked for her eyes to make sure she was OK with
this..She just nodded almost un-perscepitably at him
and he resumed, finally reaching her bra and pulling
violently at it. the thin fabric ripped in two and
left her frame. 

With her hands on his jeans she fumbled for the
button, gave up and unzipped then, pushing her hand
into the opening, he growled and arched into her hand
as she cupped him firmly and began to stroke.

`Oh God..' he growled and attached his lips to her
right breast. Suckling like a hungry baby would.
Persistent and relentlessly, he swooped from one tight
peak to the other, her hips rocking into his engorged
cock.

Here they were, groping like teenagers on his parquet
floor. A little cheap for two thirtysomethings to be
doing, but neither minded. They had waited for this
for so long.

`Wait..wait Scully..w..' Mulder stuttered and raised
his head from her chest.

`Oh shit Mulder don't stop..' gasping as she felt the
chill draft wash over her exposed chest. 

`Not here...' he stood and reached for her hand, then
she understood.

Once she got to her feet, she grabbed the button now
exposed to her on his jeans and undid it, claiming his
lips for another long, deep wet kiss.

His arms snaked around her waist and pulled her with
him, as they stumbled over what clothes they had
removed. 

It was dark in his bedroom, until he found the light
switch and flicked it on. Neither wanting to break
this kiss. 

Scully couldn't resist a sneaky look around the room, 
to see his inner sanctum. She was impressed. Very
masculine, tidy and simple. Bed, mirrored wardrobes
and a night stand with a light. One book, well
thumbed.

He must have noted her distraction, as her hand
stopped rubbing his cock,  her eyes flitting around
his room, he paused and broke the kiss.

Stunning her a little he began to chuckle quietly, his
hands on her shoulders.

`Scully?' 

`What?' she grinned back..

`Are you checking out the wall paper or are we going
to finish what we started.?' She let loose with a huge
smile and a chuckle of her own, dropping her head as
she took the sight of themselves in. Her hand stuck in
his jeans, her breast exposed and the remnants of her
clothes torn about her shoulders.

`The latter..' she slowly moved her hand inside his
jeans again, caressing him gently..

`Thank God..I thought you had changed your mind..' he
whispered leaning into her, nuzzling her neck.

`Not now..'she smiled at him, pushed or steered him to
the bed. When his calves hit the bed, he fell back.
Only then she removed her hand from this annoying
garment of his.

`Scully?' again he turned serious, sitting up as she
pulled his jeans and boxers off his legs and threw
them across the room. His erection sprung free, and he
let out a sigh of relief.

`What Mulder?..' her mouth covered him immediately and
began to suckle gently, her hands stroked and found
the pressure point that made him gulp down air and
shudder..

`Never...mind..Oh..Scully. Beautiful..' his hand
gravitated to her hair as she rocked him to heavens
door, her hot wet and loving mouth, making his breath
shallow. 

He had forgotten how great it felt. This act. This
pleasure. Made all the more delicious, because it was
her that was doing it. And so well. That made him
almost loose it before he was ready.

`Wait Scully..Oh shit.' she pulled up ignoring his
protests and worked harder. Licking from down low to
his glands rolling her tongue around and around while
she stroked incessantly on his balls.

She moaned lusciously as she received a small amount
of his forcome to savour, before she finished the
task. She arched at his essence filling her senses,
closed her eyes and whimpered as he arched into her
mouth, trying to be as gentle as he could.

Her free hand, slipped below her skirt and found her
soaked pants, slipped a finger inside herself and then
onto her clitoris, rolling around and around. this
only inflamed her more, as she continued.

`Come..ing..' Mulder stuttered and felt his legs
tighten and his loins constrict, signalling the final
onslaught of his pleasure.

She nodded in agreement. He meant it as a warning. Not
all lover's want to `taste' their partners. But Scully
wanted this.

`Stop!..' he cried half-heartedly, he never thought or
imagined she would be so good at this. He never even
thought she would do this act. She constantly amazed
him.

She didn't stop but became more determined. Two, three
seconds later, he pumped his hips high, she relaxed
her throat took him as deep as she could stand, and
suckled gently, as he filled her with his gift. Her
reward.

Swallowing his seed without reservation, as he cried
out above her, whispering and sobbing her name. She
hadn't heard her name spoken so beautiful and with
such love before. She revealed in it. 

His shudders subsided slowly, she didn't stop until
she had all of him. Then when she was sure she did.
Slowly and gently she raised up and slide up his body,
bracing herself on the bed, with hands either side of
his torso. Watching him as his rapture washed away.

God she loved the way he looked. Stunned, sated,
amazed.

Very slowly he opened his eyes to drink her in. 

`Oh Dana..' he wiped his eyes and pulled her close to
his chest, his hands stroking her sides, and back. She
snuggled in close. A smile on her face as well.

`You didn't have to..' 

`I know..I've `wanted' to for the longest time..' she
explained, gently. Stroking his chest hair.

`Really?' he said stunned.

`Yes really!...God, you can be so dense Mulder. What
do you think all this has been about?' she rolled onto
her back and slipped her skirt off, pants follow and
then her ruined bra and jumper. Until she is as naked
as he.

He watched in owe of her unashamed nakedness in front
of him. He never thought she would be so open. She was
so protective of her privacy.

`So lets get this straight..you left because you
wanted to..' he waved his hand in their naked
direction.

`Yeeessss..' she gives him a little smile, the Mona
Lisa one. The penny drops.

`But we had an understanding..didn't we?' he whispered
as he traced her nipple with his index finger,
flattered by the groan of approval she gave him in
reply.

`Well  things change..I've changed. I needed more and
you were ignoring all `my' innuendoes. So I took that
to mean you weren't interested..' Scully looked up to
the ceiling, remembering the hurt she'd felt.

`I was afraid..' he said simply, making her turn to
look at him in amazement.

`Afraid?..Of me?!' 

`No. Not of you. Of messing it all up. Not being good
enough..' he sighed and laid his head on her stomach
,his hand idly playing with her breast.

`In what sense?' 

`Making love to you..sense..Christ Scully your a
doctor! You know about bodies and things..' he sounded
so unsure of himself. She couldn't believe what she
was hearing.

She lifted her torso off the bed, he looked at her
from a half prone position. 

`Your insane Mulder!..Totally insane. What did you
think? That I would rate you out of ten!?' she
couldn't fathom this man sometimes. 

There was a long silence.

`Phoebe did..' he said almost inaudibly.

`Well I'm not Phoebe.' almost sneering at saying
`that' woman's name.

`No..No your not. But look at this book Scully. ` He
reached for his well read, well thumbed book on the
bed side cabinet and handed it to her.

She read the title aloud.

`The joys of sex.' she nodded, understanding. He was
blushing.

`Contrary to popular gossip in the typing pool, I'm
not that worldly wise Scully.' 

`Neither am I. `

`Ha!...You give a fucking incredible blow job though!'
he giggled, Scully smacked his chest playfully.

Mulder gave her a smile that was pure passion. 

She could read it without words. It made her flush and
arch her hips.

`I want to watch you coming Dana..' he whispered
sliding his hand to her apex, and slipping into her
soft, wet folds. She arched again.

`Your beautiful like this, but I bet you are stunning
when you climax.' his finger found her bud and rolled
tiny slow circles around it. She moans and arched with
each shot of arousal shooting around her body. Almost
igniting  the blue touch paper then and there.

`Phoebe,.. was `so' wrong Mulder..Oh... that feels
fabulous.' 

`Good.  I've been reading up..' he gives playfully.

`Mmmmm..lovely ` with those words on her lips, his
fingers enter her and his thumb continues on her
clitoris. His mouth covers hers and kisses her, his
tongue mimicking, his fingers rhythm.

Humming into his mouth as he continues to take her
slowly and gently to a peak. The one she needs to jump
off.

Suddenly his hand leaves her bereft of that sensation,
only to be replaced quickly with his mouth. She jumps
at the hot sensation of his tongue, teeth and lips. In
a most intimate dance, on her most private area.

`Jesus..Mulder..incred..ible..' her tone relaxed and
classy. Not like his cheap video collection. The
silicone babes screaming and panting at there fake
partners. Scully was different.

Softly and quietly she hummed and gasped, stifling her
passion in her throat. Letting her body speak for her.
She was so slick, hot. Her hips rolling and rocking
gently to his mouth, she stroked and encouraged him
with her hands. He watched and learnt as he went.

Nibbling sometimes, flicking quickly then slowing,
rolling around and around her clit. Suckling the bud.
Until he found the pattern and rhythm she enjoyed the
most. Alternating his technique to fit his lover.

If he was not worldly wise, she dreaded to think how
he became so brilliant at this. This was not the first
time she had received this kind of pleasure. But he
was by far the most patient and ingenious lover she
had had. He was taking her places she didn't even know
existed.

`Too good..' she muttered at one point and he allowed
himself a smile knowing he was doing well. 

He held off, not allowing her come a couple of times,
lifting his mouth, savouring her taste as he did. Just
to watch her face and languor. He was hard enough
again, to endanger life. 

`I could do this for the rest of my life Dana. Your
intoxicating. Taste yourself.' he slipped his finger
into her gently and offered his finger to her. To his
glee she sucked on it, rolling her tongue around it.
Humming.

He growled like a lion and returned to his seduction.
He couldn't wait any longer he had to see her loose
herself. 

Sliding two finger inside her again, his lips covering
her clit, knowing now she loved to feel him suckle. He
continued to probe in and out, trying to find that
elusive area he had read about. 

She was close. He could feel and see her movements and
moans getting more urgent, but still elegant.
Everything she did was elegant he mused.

Finally he got a reaction which made him almost come
all over his crisp clean sheets.

`OH JESUS! Right there..there..' she arched violently.

He did it again to be sure, her hand reached for his
and she grasped at it clenching it with every movement
he made. She nearly passed out with the loss of blood
and oxygen. Caressing that area inside and suckling
gently, she whined lusciously, his fingers were pulled
in, by her inner muscles.

She arched, went ridged and jerked, as the pressure in
her groin released in a sudden, violent spasm. Her
breathing stopped for a few seconds, her eyes flew
open and her torso came off the bed and collapsed
again. 

His fingers and palm soaked from the liquid she lost.
She looked exquisite to him. She was angelic. Serene
even.

The only thing she could managed to say was,

`Mulder.' Whispering it over and over again. As if
that was all she could or wanted to say. As if she was
confirming to herself, that it was him who was making
her so high. He was the one who was making her soar
like this.

The last delicious waves of ecstasy ebbed away slowly.
She settled and rolled her head on the sheet, her red
hair framing her face. When he could feel no more
contractions he moved off her and out of her.

******************************************************
***************

He tucked her under the covers and spooned her small
frame from behind and kissed her neck. Forgetting his
erection was still very evident, pulsing between his
legs.

`Y'OK?' he questioned after a few minutes.

`Ar ha..' she managed turning to him so they were
facing each other. A glorious smile greeted him as she
did.

He didn't need to ask if he did OK. He could tell. It
was not often he saw Scully lost for words, or out of
them. This was one time, he just knew.

She leaned in and they kissed slowly and gently.
Loving the contact. Enjoying the closeness they had
both craved for so long now.

`I can't believe I'm allowed to touch you like this
Dana..' 

I know. It's kind of scary though.' 

`But I don't want to go back to how it was. I have to
be able to touch you like this..always.' he settled
over her, she instinctively opened her legs, both
needing to connect properly.

He positioned himself at her core and braced himself
on his elbows, his hands in her hair, his thumbs
tracing her brows. One of her hands on his back, the
other on his buttock, tantalising the hairs she
encountered between them. Both smiling, ecstatic to
finally be at this point. 

`Scully..Dana..you know I..'  he whispered, getting
lost in the inadequate words for the way he felt about
this woman.

`I know..it's not enough is it.?' he could only shake
his head, to agree. 

When their eyes were fully transfixed he leaned in to
kiss her, his tongue playing with her's. Neither one
daring or wanting to close their eyes, to miss this
joining. He let his hips move down and then very, very
slowly he entered her. And she him.

Scully's mouth remained agape as he levered himself
inside to the hilt, and he almost collapsed, and had
to control himself from fucking her brains out. Her
body was so tight and wet. He felt safe and protected
deep inside her. She for the first time in years felt
complete. Not alone, but very warm. Possessed,
claimed. 

Mulder pulled back slightly, as he thought he may have
hurt her, as he watched a single tear bobble over her
lid and run down the side of her face.

Her hand on his ass pushed him back in, as if to tell
him she was fine. He nodded. And obliged.

`My God Mulder..you feel...beautiful..' her voice
breathy and quiet with emotion. 

Mulder began a gentle thrust, out a couple of inches
and back in, slowly, shifting his body to gage the
right angle and strength of his penetration, to match
her needs. It didn't take long, they found their
rhythm. Scully nodding and encouraging him with kisses
and smiles when he hit the right spot.

His mouth trailed lazily down to her breast and
engaged in one of his favourite pastimes. Sucking or
playing with something in his mouth. Usually a pen or
gum or sunflower seeds. This time however he had
something much more responsive to work with.

As their pleasure grew more intense, this slow tender
lovemaking became more resolute. More determined, each
one giving the best of themselves, to take joy in. 

Scully felt her insides liquefy as his member grew
impossibly hard, both knew that moment was close and
devoured each others mouths. As extreme bliss rocked
them to the core. It was all too perfect and right.
The sheer abandonment of the moment, being etched in
their memories. 

Inward gasps from the lovers culminated in deep gut
wrenching groans of ecstasy. Washing it seemed,
endlessly through them.

Mulder's seed filling her, warming her, reminding her.
Reminding her of things she cannot have. Almost
physically he felt her sadden briefly. Then it was
gone, like a breath of wind.

They laid still clasping at one another for many
minutes. Both not wanting this first joining to end. 

After a while Mulder kissed her again tenderly, and
withdrew, causing Scully to moan at her loss.

`I wish I could give you what you really want.' he
muttered into her shoulder.

`Mulder you have given me all of you. What else is
there?' she smiled at him, stroking his worried brow.

`A baby..' he said gently, explaining what he meant.

She considered him a while, then kissed his nose,
barely touching it.

`Miracles happen Mulder, my cancer proved that...'

`So your not ruling out a Mulder/Scully offspring?' he
smiled to lighten the moment.

`I'll not hold my breath, but you never know.' she
went to leave the bed, he grabbed her back and fell on
his chest.

`Where are you going Miss Scully?' he sucked a hickey
on her clavicle.

`Bathroom Mulder..' she gave gravely, he let her go,
knowing when she used that voice he was to leave her
be. He watched her wander slowly to his smallest room,
only to stop and turn her head,

`Hey.Spooky!?

`What's up Doc?' he gave in a bad imitation of Bugs
Bunny.

`12..' she said dry as a bone.

`What out of 20?' he looked stunned and disappointed.

`No. Out of  10.' she grinned wickedly at him, eyes
flaring, waiting for the penny to drop.

`But 12 doesn't go into 10..' he looked confused.

`Yes but on a scale of 10, you came in 12th..' she
walked out the room. As she heard him slap his hands
together and shout, 

`Yeah!'

******************************************************
***************

Monday FBI HQ,
Fox Mulders Office,

He knew it was going to be hard, very hard to get used
to a new partner, all that breaking in on his theories
and jokes. All the uncomfortable arguments and
problems which go with it. At least the new guy was
young and impressionable he mused. Maybe he would be a
little easier than Dr Scully was.

At least he and Scully were together now. The weekend
had been unforgettable, they had made plans and sorted
out practical stuff. He could get used to it. He was
going to have to.

The inevitable tap on the door.

`Come in..' Scully stood there and then entered and
watched as Mulder's jaw dropped open. She hung her
coat up and place her purse on the chair, where she
always did.

`Morning Agent Mulder..Skinner says we have a case in
Idaho?' she raised her eyebrows in question, at him
mute in the chair.

`Scully?..Where's agent.. what's his name?' 

`I don't know..' she walked out to get a coffee. `I
guess after I'd told him what a pain in the ass you
were, he decided not to work with Agent Spooky..' she
returned placing his coffee in front of him.

`So your not going to Quanico?' he ventured gingerly.

She shook her head, and sipped. Smiling as it dawned
on him she was serious.

She gave him the once over and he leaned in close
fingering the hem of her skirt which was pulled up a
little as she sat on his desk.

`On here..right now..' his eyes flaring at her to
comply.

`I could have you up on sexual harassment  charges for
that remark...!' she chuckled, loving having the upper
hand.

He stood moved to the door and threw the dead bolt,
with a gleam in his eye, he turned..

Rubbing his hands together..

`Oh no..Oh no, you don't, not here, it's very unpro..'


Her last words smothered by his urgent kiss, was all
that the passing Agents could hear.

`Yeah weird isn't it..That's the Dr. and Spooky's
office. Stay well clear of them. Odd things happen in
there..'

`I will. Thanks for the tip..'

END.